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Hello world.

Well, what can I say? It’s been a while…that’s my usual spiel, isn’t it? Nothing like stating the obvious. Life is a bitch sometimes, that’s all I can say. Quite often I think about things I can blog about and go ‘I’ll do that when I get home’ then I get home and a hundred other things come up.

Yes in the day and age of technology I should just write it on my iPhone but I don’t always think of it. Or the idea comes to me when I’m only five minutes from home.

We all know that feeling, hey?

But right now I’m here and I wish to ask a favour. I know it sounds rich coming from someone who has been absent for so long but I hope this story will tug at your heartstrings and you might be willing to help. Or at least share my plight so that others can help. ūüôā

I would like you to ‘meet’ my parents, Rodney and Christine Adams.

Mum and Dad

On 24th June this year, it was their 45th wedding anniversary. What a milestone! To celebrate, they decided to go on a 10 day cruise of the pacific islands. For years it’s been a dream of my Mum’s to go on a cruise so even though they’re pensioners, they spent the last few years saving for it.

Finally the day arrived and Mum was¬†so¬†excited. Unfortunately on the evening of the 4th July, Mum suffered a heart attack and was medically disembarked at Isle of Pines and rushed to¬†Gaston Bourret Hospital in Noumea, New Caledonia. She is still there and in a coma. She’s stable but has a lung infection, which means she can’t breathe on her own.

My Dad is also there and obviously extremely emotional. He doesn’t know the language, he’s not a big communicator anyway, and he’s struggling on his own. There are so many people to talk to, doctors, consulates, you name it. My sister, Tracey, is over there with him at the moment but she has to return to her family next week so I need to get over there to support him. My other sister, Amanda, is needing to be there too and she’ll try and visit after me.

The truth is we don’t know if Mum will survive. She may, she may not. What we¬†do¬†know is Dad needs our support so we need to take in turns spending time with him. Unfortunately Amanda and I don’t have the funds to go over so we’ve set up a go fund me campaign. The funds will help us get over, cover relevant expenses¬†and¬†also help Dad out because he’s running out of money.

This is where you guys come in. If you’re able to help, we would appreciate it so much. Of course I understand not everyone is in the position to help but if you are, and if you’re willing, any support would be greatly appreciated. If you can or if you can’t, what I would love is if you could please share this to your family and friends.

I need to get over there ASAP. My goal is to be there by the 16th if I can. We have a decent amount of donations already thanks to some amazing people but it’s still not quite enough to get me there and cover expenses. So, please, if you’re able to help, we would honestly appreciate it so much.

I know we’ll never be able to repay financially but if I / we can ever pay it forward in other go fund me campaigns, or anything else, we will.

Here is the link to the campaign:

https://www.gofundme.com/wtfd8-adams-medical-fund

Thank you in advance.

Lisa

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I’m taking a break from my usual blog about writing and instead I’m writing about something close to my heart. Something I’m extremely passionate about. Today I’m writing about domestic abuse. There’s a question that’s been bugging me a lot lately. Before I reveal it though, let me explain why I’m writing this.

The Australian government are working toward putting support in place for domestic abuse victims. I say good on them, abuse victims don’t deserve to be treated this way and they deserve to get away from the monster hurting them and get help to move on. However, the million dollar question bugging me, which many people seem to avoid, is this: are men victims of domestic abuse too?

What is my answer? It’s simple, I said I was passionate about it and the answer may surprise you. I mean, it seems to be a mental attitude that women stick together and stand up for each other. Apparently it’s ‘wrong’ to take sides with the man. Well, I’m different. I’m not a feminist, I believe men are often treated wrongly too.

So my answer is this: Most certainly! There are men who are victims of abuse too. I’ve read a few news articles about men who have been attacked by their female partners but they’re extremely scarce. You’ll mostly see articles about women being abused and how tragic it is. And yes it’s true, it’s extremely tragic and no one should be a victim of abuse. I take both sides but I’m here to help people see it’s not just women. The world today makes it seem as though it’s only women who are abused but that’s wrong.

Men have been victims but so many of them don’t speak up. I can’t speak for an abused man, I’ve never met one but I know they exist. I am married though and I’ve had this discussion with my husband. He said himself if he was abused by a woman he would find it extremely hard to speak up in fear of being laughed at or, worse yet, not believed. How terrible is that? Men are looked upon as strong, reliable and able to handle pretty much anything. The truth is, men have feelings too. They might show them differently to females but they still have them and they have a snapping point too.

They need as much support as female abuse victims. They need to feel that they can talk to someone and not get laughed at and they will be believed. I understand men find it difficult to talk about anything on a personal level but if they know no one would look down on them, I feel it would help them a lot.

Do you agree or disagree? Let me know in the comments below. ūüôā

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I have decided it’s time to stick to what I said ages ago and write about what’s close to my heart. Today it’s depression.

I am one of the lucky few who has suffered depression and recovered. This doesn’t happen to many people. Mine was brought about by a very traumatic time in my life. I was never bad enough to be suicidal but I was surely depressed. The doctor put me on medication and the world was great again.

Then one day I thought to myself ‘do I really want to be on medication for the rest of my life?’ The resounding NO that came to me was my answer. So I did the one thing a person on medication should never do without the doctors permission. I took myself off the meds.

Usually when you’re on prescribed medication you have to wean yourself off them with the aide¬†of a doctor. Thankfully doing it the wrong way didn’t cost me but it could have. So a word of warning, always consult your doctor before doing this!

So despite recovering from depression, I still have bouts of it but I’ve learnt how to deal with it and not let it take over my life. Some days are harder than others but I try to persevere. Sadly, this is not possible for a lot of people. Sometimes depression becomes such a part of you, you lose the strength to fight. And I really do feel that if I had a different personality, I’d be one of those people. Thankfully I am an easy-going person and have a pretty high tolerance to grief and trauma. I think that trauma I went through that first gave me depression strengthened me.

Anyway, I’m not here to brag. I’m not here to say that all depressed people should ‘get over it’. I’m here to say I understand.

It’s not just because of having been through it before either. In fact, it’s because I know a lot of people who have depression. My mother, my father, my sister,¬†my two aunties, friends, many people I work with. I’m around it all the time and having suffered, I understand more than someone who hasn’t.

When you’re depressed everything is too hard. Being happy is hard, instead¬†all you can do is cry. Doing things you used to enjoy is practically impossible. Being social and going out with friends becomes a chore because you just want to lock yourself away and never show yourself again. And the sad thing is, people without depression do not understand these feelings. They think you’re being antisocial. They think you’re weak for crying too much. But do not let them get you down. If you’re ever able to get the confidence talk to them, tell them how you feel. Help them understand and see that the way you’re feeling is not voluntary. You have no control over it.

When my mother was first diagnosed, I was still in high school. In year 11 I saw her change. She was angry, she cried a lot, she yelled and screamed at me for things she had no need to be angry about. I was 17 for goodness’ sake, I had no idea what was going on. All I wanted was my mother back. She wasn’t the person I remember. We argued, my goodness how we argued. Screaming matches even, which was not like us.

Most people know what it’s like when you’re in your final years of high school. You’re under so much pressure, you’re buried under mounds of homework and you often stay up until 2am or 3am just to get it done. Add to that a mother who was in and out of hospital and had become a totally different person and let’s just say my grades suffered. I was fortunate to graduate and I only did by the skin of my teeth. I occasionally find myself wishing I could go back and do my final year but at 33, I don’t feel it’s necessary now.

Anyway, it was during year 12 (I was 18 then) when we found out Mum and clinical depression. Me and my Dad were running the house because Mum wasn’t fit to do so. She went into hospital so many times and was even on suicide watch a few times. Dad and I didn’t understand depression, we kept thinking she’d snap out of it and I’m ashamed to say there were times we told her to. Little did we know it wasn’t that easy.

I will never forget the day Mum was so suicidal I had to take her to hospital. That same day I watched as the nurses took her into the emergency area and I barely recognised my mother. She was a changed person. Then I looked through the window (I wasn’t allowed in) and saw Mum scratching her hand over and over again until it bled. She kept doing it over and over and over. I had to turn away. I couldn’t watch. I was so scared and it was then I knew I had to know more about depression. I had to help her somehow.

When I graduated from school I started researching it then a couple of years later is when I was diagnosed with it. It was only then I truly understood, even if it was to a lesser extent.

Even now, Mum hasn’t recovered but she’s more like the Mum I know than the one I didn’t. She has her days but she’s a lot better and doesn’t even have suicidal tendencies anymore. Of course it’s with the help of medication but at least she’s doing better. It took her many, many years to get this point but she’s there and we’re all just hoping she stays there. But for those that understand depression, you would know that’s not always possible.

Depression…it is debilitating without being noticeable on the outside. People think you’re a perfectly normal person but they have no idea what you’re suffering inside. They have no idea how difficult some days are. Even getting out of bed is a chore. People who haven’t suffered do not have a clue and I wish everyone would take the time out to understand it.

A girl I work with, she told me the other day that her brother tried to suicide. He cut into his thigh, down the major artery. He was found nearly an hour later, nearly dead. Surprisingly he survived but apparently when he woke, his first words were ‘I don’t want to be here’. When I heard this, my heart broke. What this man must be suffering! I don’t know him, I don’t know his past but to try and do that, something must be terribly wrong.

Then this girl said to me ‘I just don’t get it, he’s so selfish’. And you know what? She told him to stop being selfish. I was appalled. She is a perfect example of someone who doesn’t understand. Why doesn’t she ask him what he’s feeling? Why doesn’t she just talk to him and let him open up when he’s ready. Don’t tell him he’s being selfish. He doesn’t need to hear that. Be there for him, support him, help him recover, try and understand.

So, what am I trying to say here? I know I’ve babbled on a lot but as I said this topic is close to my heart. What I’m trying to say is: depression is a silent illness, don’t judge people. Yes, sadly there are people who pretend to have depression to get attention and sympathy but still, don’t judge until you know the facts because there are many people who are genuinely suffering. If you don’t understand depression, take the time out to understand it.

If you haven’t suffered it, you may not ever truly understand it but at least you’ll know the debilitating effects it can have on people.

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In my last post leading into the new year –¬†2014 – Another year coming to an end¬†–¬†I mentioned my Grandfather’s deteriorating health. I’m sad to say he passed away the next day. New Years day.

My mother phoned me in the afternoon saying he had taken a turn for the worst. We thought he’d have a couple of days left so my family were planning a visit to see him and I was doing the same. Around an hour later though, Mum phoned me again saying he had died. We knew he would die eventually but it was much quicker than any of us expected. His health went downhill exceedingly quick.

So this is where my blog title comes into account – is it okay to feel relieved when someone close to you dies? I guess it depends on the circumstances. Most people would only really feel relieved if that person was suffering.

Some people feel guilty for feeling relieved. My Mum is one of them. She said to me just yesterday that she’s relieved he’s dead because it’s ended his suffering but she feels guilty. I told her it was perfectly normal to feel that way after what he’s been through.

If I’m honest I’m relieved too. Don’t get me wrong, I cried when he died. I love my Grandad but I know he’s better off. I will never forget the day he begged for the pain to end. We told him it was okay if he wanted to go to sleep. We were just waiting for the time he finally did. And he did…at last. And yes, we’re relieved. I meant what I told Mum though. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. He’s in a much better place now. He’s sleeping and will never have to suffer again. I’m very happy with that outcome.

Everyone handles grief differently, I understand that.¬†For me,¬†I’m not one to wallow. I grieve for as long as I need to then I move on. I don’t let grief take me over. I don’t pine after lost loved ones because I know it won’t do me any good. I have days when I miss them. Today for example I do miss Grandad a lot¬†but it’ll pass and I’ll just continue moving on.

So if anyone has ever felt relief over someone’s death, don’t feel guilty. If they were suffering it’s safe to say they’re better off.

And without sounding selfish, right at this moment I’m feeling like the stress I’ve been under for nearly two years is slowly disappearing and I like it. A lot. Perhaps 2015 will be a good year after all.

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So as 2014 approaches the end, I’m doing my usual blog on how the year has gone.

I think my lack of blogging is an indication of how the year has been. It seems to be the same for every other year. Just taking one day at a time, getting through life, coping and little things, like blogging, tend to get put on the back burner. It’s not something I’m proud of but I’ve come to accept that sometimes life gets in the way and I can’t ignore that. I need to¬†put life first.

How was my 2014? Well in a nutshell it wasn’t the best year ever but¬†it had it’s good parts.

The hardest part was seeing my Grandad’s second wife pass away from cancer and then seeing my Grandad have a mental breakdown. He has since recovered but he is not the same. His dementia¬†slowly eats away at him and while he recognises us now (where he¬†didn’t a few months ago), his short term memory is shot. Now he’s unwell with a bladder condition that¬†will eventually kill him. It’s really just a waiting game.

Otherwise there were some good memories from this year. We made some great friends and had some fun times with family. Seeing The Hobbit – The Battle of Five Armies yesterday was probably the highlight for me because I had been hanging out for it since the second one last year. It was worth seeing and a great way to end the year.

On the writing note, I’m still not published but I feel more ready to¬†be published. I finished a manuscript just recently and I’m going to send it off to publishers in the new year. I feel my writing has greatly improved¬†this year and so I’m going to try hard to get my name in print. Only time will tell.

Well it’s 22 minutes until the new year and while I’m not celebrating it I know many are. Keep safe and if you’re partying, don’t drink too much and don’t do anything silly. You don’t want to make 2015 a bad year.

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back in he new year. I will write blogs when I can and when the ideas come to me. Thanks to all those who have read, liked and commented on them. It really means the world to me.

Lisa ‚̧

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While I have been absent, I have been thinking about what to base my next blog on. I got the idea while I was on holiday. I just haven’t had a¬†chance to write it before now.

Before I continue I would like to remind my readers that this blog is based purely on my own opinions. It’s obvious really and you might wonder why I’ve said that. Well the thing is there came a point when I was worried about what I blogged in fear of upsetting people. That was why¬†I was absent for so long. All my blog ideas were somewhat controversial. But then just recently I felt like a downright dweeb as I realised that this is my blog and I can blog about whatever the hell I want.

With that said, I am blogging about something I am very passionate about:

Children in child care.

Now let me start off by saying this: I have nothing against child care at all. I think it’s a great idea.¬†There are times when parents need to have a break and in¬†this day and age, both¬†parents are working. That’s fine, no worries at all. What I have a problem with is how often child care is used and for what reason.

I know people who use child care because they can’t be bothered with their kids. they throw them in four or five days a week so that they’re not an inconvenience to them. Um hello? They’re your kids! You chose to have them so you have to take responsibility for them. Don’t just palm them off on to someone else just because you can’t be bothered. Then to top it off, when these people finally have the kids (usually only the weekends) they don’t spend time with them anyway. Think of the poor children. Their parents are strangers to them.

Here’s something to think about: Do both parents need to work? Are you working just because you want to be rich and have the best of everything? If that’s the case I think it’s time you re-evaluated your life. Put your kids first for once. If one person can work and still provide the income you need, maybe you should do that. How important are material possessions to you? You don’t need to follow the fashion. You don’t need to have the best in technology. You don’t need the biggest house or the flashiest car. Every child doesn’t need to have a phone or tablet.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to work. It’s good to keep your skills up to date for when your children go to school. But why don’t you think about reducing the hours you work so you can be with them more often? Parents often forget how vulnerable children are. They need attention…they need family. If they don’t have that, they’re going to grow up being lonely and who knows what else they’ll become.

Child care is a great thing to have. It’s important to have a break, it’s important to work and support the family and it’s a good way for kids to get to know other kids their age. But don’t do it because you don’t want your kids around. It happens too often and it breaks my heart.

Just something to think about.

I hope to blog more often from now on. ūüôā

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