Posts Tagged ‘stress’

I have to confess, I’ve been feeling a little deflated up until a few hours ago. You see, the  first week went so well for me. I had reached 20,000 words by the end of week one and I was rearing to go!

However, now that we’re in week two, in fact approaching the end of week two, I’ve come to a standstill. It’s annoying the hell out of me! My current word count is 23,488. *sigh* I had really hoped to meet, or even exceed, the halfway mark by now.

I keep asking myself: have I bitten off more than I can chew? Should I have continued an existing, incomplete novel rather than starting afresh? Then the biggest question of them all… am I really cut out for this?

It doesn’t help that toward the end of last week, and the weekend just gone, have been really hectic. Finding time to write after reaching that 20k mark has been almost impossible. Then I’ve been feeling so exhausted, the desire to write isn’t there.

So needless to say, I’ve been feeling a little down in the dumps. But then last night, after voicing my worries on the NaNo facebook page for Adelaide, someone said something to me that made me feel better. He said: Don’t let it get you down. The week two wall hits all of us at one point or another. Stick it out, keep your chin up and just keep battling away. If you can slog your way through it, week three will be upon you in no time and you will start chugging along nicely again.

Well all I can say to that is, thank you! I’m realising now it’s not just me. I never meant to sound selfish and go ‘oh woe is me’ but I didn’t realise this was something that happened to all, or at least most, NaNo participants. I thought I was failing as a writer. That perhaps I had lost my ability to write something good.

But perhaps that’s not the case at all. Perhaps I just need to get over this blip and I’ll be fine. At the moment I’m still on target. Just. But if I can write 20k in one week, what’s to say I can’t do it again in week three?

This new novel I’ve chosen to write is a real challenge for me but when I stop and think about it, it is coming along nicely. I want to see it to completion in November. So this is why I don’t feel so deflated now. I realise that everyone is feeling the same thing. And I realise that I can and want to do this.

Do you know what that means for me? It’s time to stop wallowing in my self-pity and get my butt back in to gear!

Hopefully by the time I post again I will have some happier news! 🙂

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On the weekend, I lost a close friend in death. He had been battling cancer for about two years. When he was first diagnosed, he underwent chemotherapy and they successfully got rid of the cancer. He was a totally renewed person and lived life to the full. Unfortunately, around six months later, it came back. This time there was no fighting it.

He was such an independent person and he hated anyone doing anything for him. Towards the end though, he was almost a vegetable. It was such a horrible sight to see. Saturday night he died. I found out on Sunday morning. Even though we had all been expecting it, it was still a shock. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad he’s not in pain anymore. He’s in a much better place. But it was one of the saddest things to happen.

After his death, I contacted a friend to see how she was. We were both close to him. Well, this ‘friend’ barely acknowledged me. She went on and on about how she has suffered. Yet never once did she ask how I was. I was a mess when I found out. I cried for hours and I really needed her. Yet she wasn’t there.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know we all deal with grief in different ways, but I firmly believe that it’s times like these you can tell who your real friends are. Friends should support each other. What sort of a friendship is it if the other friend isn’t there for you?

So in light of this situation, it inspired me to write a poem. Now, I haven’t written poetry for years so don’t expect perfection. But I thought I would share it anyway.

I feel pain too, didn’t you know?

It’s not all about you, so there you go

I show you I care, I show you concern

Yet what do I get in return?

A selfish response, you ignored my pain

You focused on yourself, on your gain

He wasn’t just a friend to you

He was a friend to me too

We all knew it would happen, like an end to a song

Yet he held on, it took so long

Then when the time came, he finally died

All I could do was sit down and cry

At that time I really needed you

It was a hard time, I felt so blue

Yet you weren’t there, you didn’t care

You only cared about yourself, it’s not fair

What sort of friend are you?

Not a very good one, that’s true

I’m sick of giving and never receiving

So the time has come, I’m no longer believing

Our friendship has been a convenience to you

I need a new friend, one that will be true

Someone who will support me as much as I support them

Someone who will not be afraid to help me mend

So the time has come to say goodbye

It’s time for me to spread my wings and fly

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I decided to blog about something different today. It’s not about writing this time. Instead, it’s about routines. Who has a routine they stick to?

I think we all do. Who sticks to it religiously though?

Routines are funny things. Some people don’t have them because they feel they don’t need them. I’m envious of those people! But the truth is I only have one routine I religiously follow. That is my morning routine. Do you know why? It’s simple. Mornings are not my friends.

I’m a night owl, not a morning person. When a morning comes around and I have to wake up to an alarm, it’s like my worst nightmare. The only thing that helps me get through the morning is by sticking to this routine that I have. If I don’t stick to it, it totally ruins my day. I feel rattled and like I’m doing everything backwards. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

So what is this routine I follow?

Well, it all starts when my alarm goes off at 5:30am. Of course I hit the snooze button. Then I spend the next nine minutes trying to waken myself from my zombie-like state. Then at 5:39am, the alarm sounds again. By this point I am a little more lucid but far from responsive.

I stay in bed for a few more minutes then finally crawl out at 5:44am. First I go to the toilet then I jump straight in the shower. While I’m in the shower, my husband gets my lunch and makes me my morning cuppa.

My husband is wonderful. He insists on getting up with me even though he doesn’t need to. He works for himself so he can lie in if he wants to but he refuses. He doesn’t like staying in bed when I have to get up and go to work. He’s so sweet like that.

Once I’m showered, I style, blow dry and straighten my hair. Just a quick off topic comment – my hair isn’t curly. Technically it’s straight but it’s not the sort of straight that will dry perfectly into position. I have this one wave that makes my hair kink like crazy. If I don’t style it, it looks terrible. So I spend a good 20 minutes on my hair getting it just right.

When that is done, I go back to my room. I take five minutes out to drink my cuppa and have a bit of a chat with my husband. We’re both terrible morning people but we still manage to hold a civilised conversation. After that I get ready.

This is where you’re going to roll your eyes and go ‘I can’t believe she does that’!

I get ready in a certain order. My underwear goes on first. Then my right sock, followed by my left. My trousers go next. Before putting my top on, I go to brush my teeth then I put it on. I don’t trust myself. I dribble toothpaste all the time. It’s embarrassing.

Then finally, I pack my bag, kiss my husband goodbye and leave for the bus. By this point it’s 6:40am and my bus arrives at 6:44am.

Once I arrive at work, approximately 6:55am, the first thing I do is turn my computer on. This takes forever because our computers are dinosaurs. We’re still on Windows XP and my hard drive still has a floppy disk drive. Embarrassing, much?

While that is doing its job, I fill up my water bottle. This only takes 30 seconds at most and by the time I sit down at my desk, my computer isn’t even on the welcome screen. By the time my logon screen and I actually log on, it’s almost 7:10am. Yes, it takes that long.

I take another five minutes to check my emails, check the news then I’m ready to start my day.

As I said, routines are funny things. But without this routine, every morning and every day would be a trial. I have to admit that when my routines go right, which is most days, my days at work are more tolerable. Of course there are moments when my routine flops but they are few and far between. Thank goodness too because seriously, my days are terrible when that happens!

So tell me, am I the only one that sticks to religious routines like this? What other type of weird and wacky routines are there? Let me know!

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To anyone that read yesterday’s blog about me returning to work, here is a follow on.

Today I returned to work. The end.

Just kidding. Well I am proud to say that my return to work was not as terrible as I initially thought it would be. In fact it was surprisingly painless. Ok, ok I’ll be honest… it was painless in the morning but in the afternoon it was busy, busy busy. Still, people were friendly and I was able to ease back into it.

This afternoon I was given an ‘urgent’ assignment. I was given strict instructions that it needed to be done by the end of the day. I worked my butt off to get it done in time only to get to the end of the day and be told ‘oh it’s ok, you can’t finish it until tomorrow’. Seriously? Why do employers do that? I pulled my hair out and had a 5 minute lunch to ensure I got it done now you’re saying you don’t care?

Anyway that’s my only rant on my return to work, other than that it went surprisingly well. The worst part is the fact that I already have that horrible feeling… the feeling that I haven’t actually been on holidays. Sigh. How depressing.

However, I am proud to say I did not die upon my return to work. Thanks to those who commented and made me feel better, Andrew and Lisa especially.

So I don’t have much else to say. I think tomorrow is going to be another stressful day as I continue to work on the so-called ‘urgent’ task. I wonder what they’ll say about it in the morning. I can’t wait to find out! *note sarcasm*

Hmmm now I need to think of what my next blog will be about. It’s time to write something exciting. Any ideas, let me know. Otherwise I will write about anything, everything and nothing, as I said I would in my first blog.

Bye for now!

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