In my last post leading into the new year – 2014 – Another year coming to an end – I mentioned my Grandfather’s deteriorating health. I’m sad to say he passed away the next day. New Years day.
My mother phoned me in the afternoon saying he had taken a turn for the worst. We thought he’d have a couple of days left so my family were planning a visit to see him and I was doing the same. Around an hour later though, Mum phoned me again saying he had died. We knew he would die eventually but it was much quicker than any of us expected. His health went downhill exceedingly quick.
So this is where my blog title comes into account – is it okay to feel relieved when someone close to you dies? I guess it depends on the circumstances. Most people would only really feel relieved if that person was suffering.
Some people feel guilty for feeling relieved. My Mum is one of them. She said to me just yesterday that she’s relieved he’s dead because it’s ended his suffering but she feels guilty. I told her it was perfectly normal to feel that way after what he’s been through.
If I’m honest I’m relieved too. Don’t get me wrong, I cried when he died. I love my Grandad but I know he’s better off. I will never forget the day he begged for the pain to end. We told him it was okay if he wanted to go to sleep. We were just waiting for the time he finally did. And he did…at last. And yes, we’re relieved. I meant what I told Mum though. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. He’s in a much better place now. He’s sleeping and will never have to suffer again. I’m very happy with that outcome.
Everyone handles grief differently, I understand that. For me, I’m not one to wallow. I grieve for as long as I need to then I move on. I don’t let grief take me over. I don’t pine after lost loved ones because I know it won’t do me any good. I have days when I miss them. Today for example I do miss Grandad a lot but it’ll pass and I’ll just continue moving on.
So if anyone has ever felt relief over someone’s death, don’t feel guilty. If they were suffering it’s safe to say they’re better off.
And without sounding selfish, right at this moment I’m feeling like the stress I’ve been under for nearly two years is slowly disappearing and I like it. A lot. Perhaps 2015 will be a good year after all.
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